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I don’t remember when I started to embrace my weirdness. It wasn’t a specific moment in time—it was a gradual shift that started around the time I hit 40 and, like many women, I just didn’t want to spend energy thinking about trying to fit in anymore. It was becoming clearer to me that I would never fit in (something I probably knew all along), but it was also becoming clearer to me that I didn’t want to fit in. Caring about what others thought about me was taking valuable time away from things I actually enjoyed—my family, my friends, reading, or just hanging out.
What’s my weird? I have a warped sense of humor; I love the Carpenters and will sing along to them at full volume; I hate flip-flops (a lot) on anyone; I like birds (and not because I’m middle-aged); I think we should value all humans even if we don’t understand them; and I have a tendency to call out the elephant in any room. What’s clear is that the more I let my freak flag fly and notice the flags of others, I realize that most of the flags aren’t even all that freaky. In fact, most freak flags are all the things that make people interesting and allow us to connect in authentic ways.
The thing is, I don’t try to be weird now, but I was trying to be like everyone else before, and it just wasn’t working. I don’t think it really works for anyone, but certainly, some people are better at passing. I’m not entirely immune from the anxiety of fitting in; of course, unlearning that fully will take the rest of my life. But through my personal experiences, I know that the consequences of being different aren’t nearly as terrible as many people anticipate they will be.
So many things got easier when I stopped caring as much about appearing normal (what the heck is normal, anyway?). I saved time on choosing clothes, connected more quickly with people I met, felt more comfortable leading people, stopped judging myself so harshly, and loudly and proudly threw myself into my activism work.
But the best outcome I’ve discovered is that flying your own freak flag gives others permission to do the same. The more I show of myself, the more people around me—friends, clients, staff, the barista, random strangers—seem to feel comfortable sharing themselves back. And in a time when many of us are burnt out, overwhelmed by all the things, and looking for a breath of fresh air, just being able to be yourself with others means a lot.
Last week, I got this feedback from a talk I did at the beginning of March: “Nancy was weird and fun. She makes you want to listen and participate.” What else got easier? Saying my truth and sharing my ideas exactly in my way. It turns out people really appreciate and respond to that. I’m taking this moment to share this as a reminder to everyone (and myself) that weird actually works. Fly that freak flag! I dare you. You will learn to love yourself more when you do.
Photo by Bethany Birnie via Women's Foundation of Minnesota
As International Women's Month comes to a close, I am reminded of the power of actionable steps in our fight for gender equality. Maybe you’re wondering how you can keep showing up, because a month is never enough. I’ve got you. Here are some suggestions and strategies that contribute to incremental progress, whether you’re acting individually or with your people.
Just you: Engage with media from female creators; for example, Forbes lists "50 Women-Led Startups That Are Crushing Tech" to discover and support.
Together: Participate in events like the Women's Media Center’s annual Women's Media Awards, which celebrate and acknowledge women's achievements in media.
Just you: Shop from platforms like WomenOwned, which features women-owned businesses.
Together: Join networks such as the Women’s Business Enterprise National Council (WBENC), which certifies and supports women-owned businesses.
Just you: Read comprehensive studies, like the McKinsey & Company report "Women in the Workplace," for insights into challenges and opportunities.
Together: Organize or attend educational programs through organizations like the Global Fund for Women, which offers resources and advocacy tools for gender equality.
Just you: Use platforms like Change.org to start or support petitions for policies advancing gender equality.
Together: Align with organizations such as Equality Now, which works on legal advocacy to end gender discrimination.
Just you: Undertake implicit bias training, such as the ones provided by Project Implicit, to understand personal biases.
Together: Engage in community discussions facilitated by groups like The Representation Project, which challenges gender stereotypes through media and activism.
Just you: Offer to be a mentor through platforms like MentorHer, which focuses on supporting women in their careers.
Together: Participate in programs like Lean In’s Circle Networks, which provide mentorship and community support for women.
Just you: Share stories of women's achievements in your networks to inspire and motivate.
Together: Attend award ceremonies such as the Women in Tech Awards, which recognize and celebrate women's contributions in the technology sector.
Just you: Implement inclusive practices in your daily life, like using gender-neutral language.
Together: Work with organizations like Catalyst, which specializes in creating inclusive workplaces through research and strategic approaches.
Just you: Encourage discussions on gender equality with male peers, using resources from the HeForShe initiative.
Together: Facilitate events with groups like MenEngage, which focuses on engaging men and boys in gender equality advocacy.
Just you: Regularly update your knowledge through platforms like the Institute for Women's Policy Research, which provides data and insights on gender equality issues.
Together: Join forces with accountability groups such as Women for Women International, which supports women survivors of war and conflict while advocating for women's rights and equality.
Sometimes, the fight for equality can feel like a full-time job. But if we stay focused and make this work part of our every day we are contributing to the movement. By leveraging simple strategies and aligning with effective organizations, we can accelerate change and play an active role in creating a more equitable future for our children.
Many wonderful hosts have included me in their shows recently. If you want a little more perspective on work and leadership…these recordings are for you.
Down 2 Business
Most of us have to work, so rather than do it begrudgingly, I talked to Tamar Turner about how we can do it by recentering ourselves within our work.
Watch Down 2 Business on LinkedIn.
The Innovation Meets Leadership
I spoke with Natalie Born about breaking down workplace hierarchies, overcoming learned helplessness and fear, and creating psychologically safe environments where all employees can thrive.
Listen to The Innovation Meets Leadership podcast on Apple Podcasts.
Leading from the Middle
Recently, I joined Kenny McQuiller on his podcast, Leading From the Middle, a show for middle managers interested in personal and professional development. We had a great conversation about culture, the future of leadership, and so much more!
Watch Leading from the Middle on YouTube.
Hallway Chats
I get candid with host Topher and Nyahsa about all of our “toos” (too loud, too much, too casually dressed, too, too, too) and I truthfully shared, “I am getting to the age where I’m like, You know what? Don’t take me seriously. It’s fine. You’ll live to regret it.”
Listen to Hallway Chats on the podcast website.
The Creating Belonging Podcast
I got to talk about one my favorite topics, belonging, with host Justin Reinert. I share with him a story about a time I failed in creating a sense of belonging at my company even though I thought I was succeeding.
Listen to The Creating Belonging Podcast on the podcast website (I’m season two, episode four).
Let’s highlight some Black women-owned businesses to close out this Women’s Month.
Lip Esteem
A Saint Paul, Minnesota, company started by Tameka Jones. Tameka likes to say she helps people feel good “one tube at a time.” While I dare not wear lipstick myself, many of my friends love this brand!
Check out Lip Esteem.
Neka Creative
A full-service brand development agency that helps organizations succeed using Inclusivity Marketing.
Read all about Neka Creative's services.
Strive Publishing and Bookstore
Strive centers Black narratives and aims to inspire community collaboration with stories that heal, teach, learn, and earn.
Learn more and shop for books at Strive.
Kobi Co.
A candle company started by a mother-daughter duo who are committed to helping us all curate little moments of luxury and self care no matter where we are.
Shop for candles, bath bombs, bath salts, and more.
“After all those years as a woman hearing, ‘not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this enough, not that enough,’ almost overnight I woke up one morning and thought, ‘I am enough.’” — Anna Quindlen
