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Some of our most powerful beliefs can be the ones that we’re least aware of. These unconscious beliefs often operate when we think and say things that perpetuate what we’ve been taught explicitly and implicitly by the world around us and that we’ve absorbed without question.
Like how someone’s laugh suggests she’s “nuts” and not fit to be President.
That suggestion is part of the rhetoric in this election cycle that exposes a long-festering issue in our culture: misogyny. While both parties can and should be criticized for their policies and platforms, there is a notable difference in how people are talking about Kamala Harris, which is part of a long history of dismissing and insulting women in leadership for things that would never be levied against men. And when we’re taking in so much information at such a rapid pace, it’s critical that we all understand the baked-in, often invisible forces that influence how we perceive and speak about women in power.
Harris’s background includes a law degree from UC Hastings and positions as District Attorney, California Attorney General, U.S. Senator, and Vice President. That is an impressive resume that one cannot deny—she’s made incredibly difficult decisions, executed formidable strategies, and participated in negotiation and compromise. All great foundations for a President. But much of the criticism against her is not about her capabilities or policies. Instead, we hear critiques about her intelligence, laugh, and voice—traits that aren't career-related yet are often used to devalue women.
When was the last time we heard similar criticism aimed at male candidates?
Laughing is a form of emotional expression. Showing feelings has long been the weapon wielded against women. Feelings mean women are weak or vulnerable. But women get criticized from the other end, too. Showing no emotion runs counter to the long-held belief that women are the softer, more sensitive of the genders. Hilary Clinton was often labeled as cold and stoic due to her lack of emotional expression.
So, we have one leader who laughs too much or not quite the right way and another who “should” smile more. Meanwhile, no one is pointing out analogous behaviors in their male counterparts. Why is this? Because misogyny is all about policing women to uphold the existing power structures. As an article at Salon.com states, “Kamala Harris does not ‘suppress her own excitement,’ and as a consequence, makes many men uncomfortable.”
Misogyny is different from sexism, a term some might be more familiar with. According to Kate Manne, who wrote “Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny, “Sexism is taken to be the branch of patriarchal ideology that justifies and rationalizes a patriarchal social order, while misogyny is the system that polices and enforces its governing norms and expectations.” So, “Men are more intelligent than women” is sexist, while a teacher who discourages young girls from advancing in math is an example of misogyny.
The norms and expectations are woven into our culture and are powerful undercurrents that have, for centuries, found ways to undermine and marginalize women, especially women in positions of authority. It's visible in the language we use, the stereotypes we accept, and the double standards that we apply. It's a total twist of irony that professional women are sometimes labeled as sluts or too ambitious in ways that degrade rather than applaud their drive. I think all of these criticisms are rooted in stereotypes that have held women back in various spheres, from politics to corporate leadership.
The narrow lane of appropriateness between Harris’s emotional expression and Clinton’s emotional suppression is one example of the space women can exist within. Be attractive, but don’t be too pretty, or no one will take you seriously, and you might be labeled a Jezebel. Be smart, but don’t show up other people in the room. Speak up, but don’t be too loud because it’s crass. These rigid expectations reflect our culture’s desire to control and minimize women who dare to step outside of traditional roles.
Misogyny isn't just something that men project onto women. Internalized misogyny is when women themselves unknowingly adopt sexist biases and, in turn, criticize other women who don’t conform to the same gender norms to which they conform. This internalized bias is a survival mechanism in a society that rewards each woman who complies—and it’s a forceful and insidious way of keeping women in line that discourages solidarity. As a culture, we've all been conditioned to see women through this limiting lens, and since women’s own identities and success are wrapped up in that lens, we’re just as likely to perpetuate it.
As insidious as misogyny is, we can notice it if we start paying attention.
Recognizing our biases and becoming more conscious of how we think, speak, and participate in conversations about women in power, and women in general, is the first step. When we criticize Harris or any woman in any role, we have to pause and consider whether we’re focusing on her ideas and her performance or using language and bringing up points that diminish her worth. I think it's essential for us to become conscious of these patterns—that will help us focus on real issues without veering into damaging and, lest we forget, irrelevant gendered territory.
Once we’re more attuned to the language in our conversations, we can call it out when we hear someone using misogynistic phrases or thinking. Challenging the biases we all carry can bring awareness to the conversation. Then, we can turn the conversation to policies, actions, and ideas instead of personal characteristics that don't impact a person's competence or leadership ability. By doing this, we can contribute to a culture that values women more and values women as fully and as wholly as they do men.
We should not ignore or silence criticisms of anyone in the public eye. But we can make sure the criticisms and conversations are substantive and reflective of real issues; we can engage in respectful dialogue, and root our thinking in fairness. That will ultimately strengthen our democracy and ensure we hold everybody to the same standard.
With election season upon us, it’s time for an important gut check: Are you ready to vote? Voting isn’t just a right; it’s an active choice to influence the future of your community, country, and values. When you vote, you’re not just filling in bubbles on a ballot. You’re affirming your voice and playing your part in steering the course of important issues like healthcare, education, and community resources. This is the most direct way to say, “I care, and I’m here to make a difference.”
Not registered? No problem! Here are some nonpartisan resources to get you started:
Voting means stepping up and taking ownership of your future. Let’s make this a season of action, one vote at a time.
October is National ADHD Awareness Month, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that it’s a meaningful one for me personally. Diagnosed well into adulthood, I finally gained clarity on so many things I’d struggled with quietly over the years—focus, emotional regulation, managing the chaos in my head. Learning about ADHD wasn’t just a diagnosis; it was like finding the instruction manual for myself. It gave me tools to navigate work, deepen my friendships, and show up more authentically in all my relationships. Knowing this part of me—and having a plan—has empowered me to take control in ways I didn’t realize I needed.
ADHD isn’t just about distraction; it’s a complex experience that influences every corner of life. Awareness and understanding make all the difference, not just for those with ADHD but for everyone in their circles. This month, let’s amplify empathy and education. For resources and tools, check out CHADD and ADDitude Magazine—they offer incredible support for living with ADHD, understanding it, and embracing it.
“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” — Maya Angelou
