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Everything we do happens within systems we're not always aware of. How we work, live, form families, learn, identify, talk, seek care, or experience (in)justice, all happen within interlocking and overlapping systems in the forms of capitalism, cities, education, families, language, healthcare, law & order, and more. And embedded into every system are layers of beliefs and processes that may not be obvious anymore and may appear as “the way things are.”
Why am I bringing this up? Well, recently, I have been challenged by a set of systems that I don't know how to navigate, and the experience made me really take stock of who we are as a society and where we’re headed.
My elderly father has been struggling with his grief since my mother passed away about two years ago. His grief has clouded his judgment as he’s made significant life decisions. So, he’s moved four times since my mother died: down to Florida; back to Marquette, Michigan; then to another side of Marquette; and now to Minnesota. It’s been a ride. During these major moves, my father's health declined. He became weaker and had balance issues from a tremor, and now he’s having trouble walking. Over the holidays, he got sick and was in the hospital for a while. I've spent the better part of the last month caring for him and trying to navigate the healthcare system and resources available for older people. I’ve also been caring for my father, literally living with him and taking care of his day-to-day needs, while planning his most recent move to an assisted living facility near me. And this is all why systems are on my mind.
Of course, the healthcare system is at play here, but so is gender and family history. My dad isn’t processing his grief proactively because he’s a man of a certain age with a certain understanding of masculinity. He and I are struggling at times because of our ingrained family dynamics that go back generations. The healthcare maze is packed with unintelligible processes and unclear options. This has been one of the most stressful times of my life, in part because these systems feel so difficult to overcome.
Systems are entrenched in everything we do, and they are the biggest barrier to progress. They limit our imagination and feel dauntingly permanent. The reason we struggle with defining what could happen and what’s possible is that we're used to operating the way we always have. Yet these ways are no longer working, and we aren’t changing them.
We know the second amendment, a part of our governmental system, was written at a time when guns didn’t pose the threat that they do now. We know there's a problem with how policing works in this country, and while communities depend on it, it is also deeply flawed. We know that in this country, the system of capitalism continues to enrich the wealthy and marginalize everyone else, despite the entire system depending on the people it exploits.
I remember a conversation I had a couple of years ago when I identified a problematic issue at an organization I was working with. Somebody asked the question, “Is this an individual or a systemic problem?” And I said, “It's both. Individuals who exist within a dysfunctional system become dysfunctional themselves, and they perpetuate that dysfunction.”
We are all guilty of perpetuating the status quo, and I do not doubt that it’s partly because we are intimidated by the challenge of dismantling systems. We see so much pushback when ineffective systems are carefully examined and revealed. Take race. Racial issues are systemic. We were all born into racism, and we don't even see it. When we start to expose the truth of where these systems started and how we perpetuate them repeatedly, it terrifies people to such a degree that they shut it down. They make it illegal (I’m looking at you, DeSantis) just to cowardly protect themselves from the truth.
As someone who is tired and who has spent the last month caring for an elderly human while also trying to maintain my job, family, and personal responsibilities, I am struck by the fact that we need to tear shit up. Everything frustrating in the workforce and our personal lives can be traced back to a flawed system. We need new ways of being, working, living, caring for each other, caring for people we don’t know, and building community. How can we undo, unlearn, and reject what we know? How and what can we rebuild? I don't know the answer, but I do know that to evolve, we have to figure it out. We have whole systems that are so deficient they need to be entirely abandoned.
What are the systems that you operate in? What systems might you be protecting because you’re inside of them and feel safe? Who is left out of those systems? How can you be a change agent of all the overlapping and interlocking parts that represent “the way things are”? I see a lot of individuals desiring change. I see a lot of individuals creating systems within systems to push back a little on what exists. But I don't see us dismantling the old systems that don't work for us. I don't see us coming together to address these massive, toxic ecosystems, how they’ve failed, and what we could do better. We use the words ‘disruption’ and ‘transformation’ like candy, but until we tear down the actual systems, we aren't disrupting or transforming anything.
When we talk about disruption and transformation in business and the world, we are usually referring to technology and innovation. But how do we truly disrupt and transform ourselves? Our cells? How we were programmed? And how do we begin again to build a more equitable society that serves all humans?
As policies and legislation continue to threaten LGBTQ+ families, I’m happy to share that Family Equality, an organization near and dear to my heart, is collaborating with the Advocate to share regular editorial contributions about LGBTQ+ families. If you want to know what’s going on within your own community or be a better ally and stay informed about how to strengthen queer families, follow along! The first article is up!
Read: Family Equality: Ready for the Fight Ahead
